Two computer science students meet on campus one day. The first one calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice bike! Where did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!!' " "Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did the computer scientist die in the shower? Because the shampoo bottle said, "Lather, rinse, repeat." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do computer scientists confuse Christmas and Halloween? A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What goes "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"? A: A parroty error. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A one-question geek test. If you get the joke, you're a geek: Seen on a California license plate on a VW Beetle: "FEATURE" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulder of giants. -- Isaac Newton If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. -- Brian K. Reid -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- F U \{can\} \{read\} Ths U \{Mst\} \{use\} TeX -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the successor to RU-486? It's called RU-Pentium. It prevents the embryo's cells from dividing correctly. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PROGRAMMER'S DRINKING SONG 100 little bugs in the code, 100 bugs in the code, fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101 little bugs in the code..... (Repeat until BUGS = 0) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. My software never has bugs. It just develops random features C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. <-------- The information went data way --------> BREAKFAST.COM Halted - Cereal Port Not Responding The name is Baud..., James Baud. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. E Pluribus Modem File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? Does fuzzy logic tickle? A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. Windows: Just another pane in the glass. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. All computers wait at the same speed. DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) Read my chips: No new upgrades! Hit any user to continue. 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!! I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? Disk Full - Press F1 to belch. Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.